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Deerly Departed

Wednesday’s Child is Full of Woe.

Wednesday’s Child is Full of Woe.

The Person You Love is 72.8% Water

—Alan Fletcher

On Moving,

In about 3 weeks I’m hightailing it out of suburbia into the big bad city- and I hope to never really come back. Don’t get me wrong, I love my cave of a room with purple and yellow walls and my beautiful dinosaur mural. I love my grey paint-chipped floor with green footprints from when my parents had e run around the room with my little sister was 5. I love the night here, the streets- the way they twist and turn but I know exactly where I am at all times. I even love the built up developments and how I can get lost in there, but still end up where I wanted to be. I love the areas under every bridge where I can pretend to be a troll. But I hate the feeling in my chest that digs into my heart, all the way down to the very tips of my fingers and makes me want to do nothing more than end this existence. I want to fall in love with someone wonderful, but this fucking place only reminds me of what I should have forgotten and leaves me picking at the scabs. I feel like I’m missing everything by minutes and these weeks cannot go by fast enough. So I’m getting rid of everything with ties to bad memories, embracing minimalism and counting the minutes until I get out of here.

Forest, I fear you! In my ruined heart your roaring wakens the same agony as in cathedrals when the organ moans and from the depths I hear I am damned.
-Charles Baudelaire

To dream of airplanes…

To dream of airplanes; To see an airplane in your dream, indicates that you will overcome your obstacles and rise to a new level of prominence and status. You may experience a higher consciousness, new-found freedom and greater awareness. Perhaps you need to gain a better perspective or wider view on something. If the airplane is taking off, then it suggests that an idea or plan is about to “take off” and be put into action. It may also represent you need to get away and escape from your daily life.

It’s been a whole week since then, and every night I’ve been dreaming of airplanes. I’m unsure of how to relate it to my life, but I’m going to do my best- because in every dream, there has always been a hitch- but everything always works out. I’m staying up to remind myself of the placement of everything and the way the night air feels on my skin. I’ve cleaned out some clutter in my life, and I’ll have even more cleared away before the night ceases, in about two hours I’ll begin biking to work, going the long way and enjoying the sounds of suburbia waking up. I’ll cry out the prayers of everything I’ve left behind and everything I hope to become.

what the hell am i doing here?

what the hell am i doing here?